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JOKES
- Joke 1 +
WIFE's DIARY
Sunday night.
I thought he was acting weird.
We had made plans to meet at a caf....
- Joke 2
A women without arms or legs is sitting on a beach weeping. A guy walks by and a
sks her what''s wr....
- Joke 3 +
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals
who put them in ....
- Joke 4 +
A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. T
he cop got out of....
- Joke 5
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeated....
- Joke 6 +
The Un-Associated Press reported in a news bulletin today that a pregnant woman who has been in a ....
- Joke 7
One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasn't been feeling well lately. The d....
- Joke 8 +
Q: How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
A: You are fine. How am I?
Q: How many psychiatrist....
- Joke 9 +
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two m....
- Joke 10
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad ....
- Joke 11
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a rolling bed by the nu....
- Joke 12
"I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the older gentleman to his doctor. "Maybe there's som....
- Joke 13 +
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the do....
- Joke 14
A man was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later, the ma....
- Joke 15
A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was her....
- Joke 16
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me! I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"....
- Joke 17
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating ro....
- Joke 18
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On this vis....
- Joke 19 +
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with the man....
- Joke 20
A pregnant woman and her husband asked the doctor if it was okay to have sex during her pregnancy. ....
- Joke 21
This girl walks into the doctor's office to get her breasts checked and the doctor sees a big 'S' o....
- Joke 22
A doctor giving a circumcision was heard saying, "It won't be long now."
....
- Joke 23
Q: How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A: You're never covered as much as you think you are.
Q:....
- Joke 24
Little Mikey is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest....
- Joke 25 +
1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and....
- Joke 26 +
A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The du....
- Joke 27
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey j....
- Joke 28
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were alone
Just she and I
Her hair was brown
Her eyes were to....
- Joke 29 +
Once there was a bear taking a dump in the forest. A rabbit walks by and the bear says, ''Hey rabb....
- Joke 30 +
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts c....
- Joke 31
Why do they put bells on cows?
Because their horns don't work!
....
- Joke 32 +
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses?
A: Because they have big fingers
....
- Joke 33
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.
....
- Joke 34
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just ....
- Joke 35
What's black and white and red all over?
An embarassed zebra!
....
- Joke 36
A blonde girl and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.'....
- Joke 37
A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do....
- Joke 38 +
Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?"
A: He was studying foreign languages....
- Joke 39
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fr....
- Joke 40 +
Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as....
- Joke 41
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day?
A: I'm bacon!
....
- Joke 42
There was this woman see, and she takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Witho....
- Joke 43
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called....
- Joke 44 +
There were 11 blondes and one brunette on a rope climbing up a mountain. They had nothing to hold ....
- Joke 45
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia:
If you get caught up in this war... I'll hide from you too!
....
- Joke 46
One day four nuns are called to the priests chambers. The priest tells the nuns that since they hav....
- Joke 47
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father beg....
- Joke 48
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and in....
- Joke 49 +
What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana didn't?
A good driver.
....
- Joke 50
Q: What did one flea say to the other flea?
A: Shall we walk or take a dog?
....
- Joke 51
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't....
- Joke 52
She's so blonde she spent an hour looking at a can of orange juice because it said "concentrate".
....
- Joke 53
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at ....
- Joke 54
A man was nervously pacing around the waiting room as his wife was giving birth to their first chil....
- Joke 55
This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was ....
- Joke 56 +
Boy: Will you punish me for something i didn't do?
Teacher: Of corse not!
Boy: Good cause I didn....
- Joke 57
Q: What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea?
A: He drowned in his teapea.
....
- Joke 58
A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.
"Son! If you mastur....
- Joke 59
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady cam....
- Joke 60
An old man goes to his doctor and says, “I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to ....
- Joke 61
Q: What three words mean small?
A: Is it in?
....
- Joke 62
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beau....
- Joke 63 +
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the....
- Joke 64
A man's occupation is to stick his cockulation in a woman's ventilation to increase the population ....
- Joke 65
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me....
- Joke 66 +
A woman walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he has any peanuts. He says no. She comes back th....
- Joke 67
He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport L....
- Joke 68 +
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and....
- Joke 69 +
A small frog goes to a fortune teller and asks if he is gonna meet a young girl.
The teller tells ....
- Joke 70
A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and
she enjoys showing off her new look.....
- Joke 71 +
A waiter asks a man, "May I take your order, sir?"
"Yes," the man replies. "I'm just wondering, ....
- Joke 72
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:
Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 ye....
- Joke 73 +
Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training before he visits Washington....
- Joke 74
Subject: French
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike th....
- Joke 75
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the c....
- Joke 76 +
3 guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I kn....
- Joke 77
Hkun Seng died in a fire and his body was burnt pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify t....
- Joke 78
Patient: Doctor, doctor.. People keep ignoring me!!! What should I do??
Doctor: Next..
....
- Joke 79 +
A man and a priest were having a friendly game of golf. When the man missed his putt..
Man: God d....
- Joke 80
Dirty Jokes!
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,"My elbow hurt....
- Joke 81
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and do....
- Joke 82
One day there was a hippie who got on a bus. The bus was very crowded and the man took a seat next ....
- Joke 83 +
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pend....
- Joke 84
Who am I?
I'M ABOUT 8 INCHES LONG.
MY FUNCTIONING IS ENJOYED BY MEMBERS OF BOTH SEXES.
I'M USUAL....
- Joke 85
Q: What's the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: When the baby looks like the father, it'....
- Joke 86
A wife one evening drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that ....
- Joke 87 +
The nervous blonde sat on the dentist's chair to have her tooth extracted. Seeing so many instrume....
- Joke 88
Q: What is the difference between a good secretary & an excellent one?
A: A good secretary says, "G....
- Joke 89
There once was a rather prudish couple. They were so uptight that they had to refer to sex as "doin....
- Joke 90 +
Doctor David Wilson had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter....
- Joke 91
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him,
"How do you e....
- Joke 92
A Sunday School teacher asked her pupils, "Now, children, do you all say your prayers at night?"
A ....
- Joke 93 +
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.
She s....
- Joke 94
One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie ap....
- Joke 95
The child was a typical four-year-old girl-cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expre....
- Joke 96
Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning.
I went to breakfast....
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